I am repeatedly amazed at the number of patrons who ask if there is a fee to check out books. It befuddles me... in a slightly sad way.

Lieutenant Dan!

1. There's a man who has been coming to my computer classes.... I have no idea what his actual name is, but I think of Lieutenant Dan from Forrest Gump every time I see him. I'm not 100% sure why, as I don't think he's like Lt. Dan at all. He just has long shaggy hair... and always wears camo pants and army boots.

Anyway, this guy can talk your head off, mostly about making money on eBay. This would be the theory of making money on eBay, though, as he doesn't know how to use it. He keeps coming to the computer classes in hopes that I will somehow teach eBay tricks or something. I told him to come to the Internet class, but aside from that, I'd show him some books we have about eBay.

I guess Lt. Dan would not be interested in eBay, as it did not exist at any point in the timeline of Forrest Gump. Ebay was founded the year after that movie came out.

2. I have evaluation forms for my classes that I hand out at the end of every class. Honestly, I get rather useless feedback from them, but I keep up with them just the same. Anywho, one of the questions is, "Is there something you didn't learn that you wanted to learn? If yes, what?" One of the answers from yesterday's class: "To learn how to check spelling or grammar" (and yes, it was spelled correctly and everything). That would be a lovely suggestion... if it weren't for the fact that we definitely DID talk about right-clicking on those squiggly lines. Granted, it was a brief discussion, and we didn't talk about the full spelling & grammar check, but still.... It seems somebody failed to pay attention.

The other day....

I'm going to call the following patron Amy. I doubt her name is actually Amy, but you know how some people just look like they should have a certain name...? Yeah.

Anyway, Amy just came to get those books... you know, the ones you had sitting behind the desk for me? From a few days ago?

Well, actually, that was about 2 months ago and we have since reshelved them.

Oh, well, can you just tell me where they are?

Sure, but you'll have to remind me what books they were (because I do not have a super-human memory).

Well, they were blue or green... and there were two of them.

Oh, I see -- and what were they about?

I was looking up definitions.

So, dictionaries? I took Amy to the dictionaries in the reference section and there was, lo and behold, a matching set of blue and green dictionaries (Shorter Oxford English Dictionary, to be exact).

Oh, those aren't the right ones. I remember they were a couple of shelves over.

Hmmm, well that's interesting, since there aren't any dictionaries a couple of shelves over. But okay, let's go look over there for kicks.

Amy decided that we still had the wrong books picked out but that they would work "okay."

The Unfairness of Life

This is a story that has nothing to do with crazy patrons or anything of the sort.


So, I left work this afternoon to go to lunch. I was meeting a coworker who has been out for several weeks with an injury. When I told my boss who I was having lunch with, she asked if she could join... and I said she could, of course!
She wasn't going to be able to meet us until a few minutes later, though.

Anyway, I went to lunch, but my boss never showed up. I checked my phone a few times in case she called, but I never got a message or anything. I just figured it had gotten busy at the library and she wasn't able to make it.

I got back to work from lunch a little bit later than I meant to. When I came back, I noticed a lack of cars in the parking lot. Also, no one was in the reference workroom. However, our director was sitting at the reference desk. This is when I discovered what happened while I was gone.

Apparently, shortly after I had left for lunch, the power in the building went off. It was off for so long, that they actually decided to close the library and send everyone home for the day. So, that's why the parking lot was mostly empty and why my coworkers were gone. Apparently, though, the power had come back on before everyone had left, so whoever was left had to stay. My boss had left me two voice mails telling me about this, but I didn't hear them until I was already back in the building. Now remember, I had been checking my phone because I was wondering where she was. But after a while, I quit checking, and I didn't hear it when my phone actually rang.

So, anyway, I'm sitting at the reference desk now (on the day, by the way, when I typically have no desk hours) and most of my coworkers are at home... enjoying an unexpected afternoon off.

I was going to come in early tomorrow for taking a long lunch today. I'm not doing that anymore.

Deja Vu All Over Again

Today, I had two practically identical phone conversations.

I was a little late getting the October computer class schedule out this month, simply because I've actually been pretty busy... mostly teaching the September classes! Anyway, I had several messages about the computer classes, and I finally got around to replying to them today.

The following conversation took place (twice, with completely different people):

Me: Hello, could I speak with Fred?

Patron: Who?

Me: Fred, Fred Smith.

Patron: What?

Me: This is Allison at the County Library. I have a message here from Fred. Is this the correct number?

Patron: Fred?

Me: Yes, could I speak with him, please?

Patron: He ain't here.

Me: So... is this the correct number?

Patron: What's he want?

Me: I have a message requesting I call him back (Aside: I can't actually tell the person exactly why I'm calling, unless it's Fred -- it's a privacy thing).

Patron: Well, I just said he ain't here.

Me: Well, could you give him the message?

Patron: Yeah

Me: Thank you. Goodbye.

Patron: [hangs up without saying goodbye]

Me: [pretends to strangle patron through the phone]


Sheesh! Hasn't the phone been around for over 100 years? Is it that hard to communicate? I'm considering never leaving my work phone again -- that way, no one will ever need to leave a message.

Currently...

1. Yesterday, I taught my first computer class for the general public. It was quite the experience. The class was Basics I -- this includes things like the parts of a computer, how to use a mouse, and how move windows around on the screen. It truly is amazing what people do not know. I have to teach Basics II tomorrow. Basics II is comprised of saving, printing, finding programs in the Start menu, and properly shutting down the computer. Next weeks is the Email class, in which I will lead the class in signing up from a Gmail account and using the basic functions within it.

I will report back once I have been doing this a little longer.

2. I just had to shush some people again. They were really nice about it, though. I'm such a sissy when it comes to confronting people, though. I need to grow some librarian balls.

3. I got to go visit my EC library friends this morning! It was very good to see them all, and it's cool getting to talk to them more as colleagues. Definitely worth getting up earlier than usual for. :-)

Those darn Brazilian FBI agents.

Even though it was not my shift at the reference desk, I was out at the desk talking to my boss about a couple of things. I don't remember anymore -- possibly my impending computer classes... or something to do with them.

An older man walks up and asks us if we can help him get CDs onto his iPod. Seems a normal enough question, I suppose, except for one key point. The CDs he had in his hand were ones he had borrowed from the library.

***Okay, here's my full disclosure: I personally would probably borrow a CD from the library and copy it onto my computer for listening. No, I wouldn't do that with hundreds of songs, but possibly a few.

However, as a librarian, a steward of copyright law and all that good stuff, I can't very well be ripping songs for people from library property. I explained this to the man, and he surprisingly was not upset. I say "surprisingly," because it seems like every time you tell someone they can't do something, they just get pissed about it with no regard for rules, laws, or general courtesy.
Anyway, even though he understood the reasoning behind it, the man proceeded to start talking about how no one actually monitored those sort of rules so it didn't matter if he copied anything anyway. As he put it, "those guys are probably sitting in a room in Brazil somewhere." I informed him that a friend of mine got a letter from the FBI once for pirating TV episodes. The gentleman seemed truly shocked, but not quite deterred.

Well, I still felt like I should offer the guy some help, so I decided to show him how to put CDs onto iTunes and his iPod for future non-library stealing use. He had brought his own laptop... which did not have iTunes loaded onto it, though he swore to me over and over that he put songs onto his iPod from the computer he had with him. I told him that we really need iTunes on the computer and I then downloaded it for him. But then he didn't know his Apple ID (of course), so I couldn't really help him further. Normally, I would be slightly dumbfounded and annoyed by this, but I was relieved on this occasion for getting out of showing the man how to illegally use iTunes.

As an addition to this story: While we were waiting for iTunes to download, the man asked me how it was that the library could help people put books onto e-readers, but not songs onto iPods. I explained to him that the library pays for a license to share the books with the public, and that the books do not stay on the e-readers forever. Fortunately, he understood what I was saying (because, you know, plenty of patrons look at me like I'm speaking Greek when I explain things like that), and he seemed genuinely surprised by what I told him. Apparently people think the library just has tons of free stuff that we are hoarding from the outside world... I don't know.

Oh, he also proceeded to show me several albums of pictures (stored on his computer) from Italy. Personally, I was proud of this 80-something year-old guy using his computer so efficiently.

Beliefs

Well, to be honest, not much has happened that I have cared to report. Actually, I had a bad few days a while back and actually decided not to blog, just so I wouldn't be so negative!

I, of course, have been busy with things.

Last week, I went to a workshop in Columbia all about resume writing. I actually learned more than I thought I would. We also got to go to RCPL and tour their Job Center. It was pretty amazing -- they have a grant, though, and therefore have tons of resources for it.

Anyway, since then, I've been working on calendars, brochures, flyers, and such for our computer classes, which are starting back up in just a couple of weeks. I'm a little nervous about them, but I think I'll be okay. :-)

I guess I've only had two somewhat interesting encounters with patrons over the last couple of weeks:

1. A lady with a low-cut shirt and a rose tattoo on her breast came to the desk. She wanted to know the name of some singer in London (or England... she couldn't remember which one...right). She said he was pretty well known and that his first name was Alan. She insisted it was spelled A-L-L-A-N, by the way. Well, I just did some googling, because such a well known singer could theoretically be googled. Absolutely nothing. So I asked her what kind of music he sang. "Vampire." What, now? "Vampire rock." Um, sadly, there is a pretty famous Vampire Rock group in England. Also sadly, no one in it is named Allan... or Alan, or Allen. Then the lady told me she thought she remembered his last name, but she wasn't sure. She attempted to spell it for me. "F-U-C-K-B-E-...." Wait, stop right there. There is no way in hell I'm googling that!

2. Seriously, about 10 minutes ago, this lady started talking to me about how she loved reading the Word, and that if you pay attention to what's going on in Israel right now, it should be obvious that Jesus is coming back in the next 5-10 years.

As if one weren't enough....

1. A reasonably nice-looking young man came to the desk. The first thing he asked was if I was from Greenwood. I told him I was not, though I was from the area. He asked if I knew of a good place for computer repair. No clue. That's what the Yellow Pages are for -- so I pulled out the phone book for him (and even turned to the section on computer repair, how nice of me!) I also told him it might be better to ask someone more qualified, such as the dudes at RadioShack... something of that nature. Well, before I knew it, the guy was talking about going to bars and popping his female friends' bra straps. QUE? He just kept talking and talking, and his choice of topics was rather strange and slightly uncomfortable. The phone rang with the special "internal number" ring. I saw that it was my coworker from the computer lab across the room. Hallelujah! I seriously had to interrupt the guy to tell him that I had to answer the phone, because he still would not stop talking. He finally walked off when I answered the phone. My coworker, of course, just called to save me from his jabber. Library workers unite, again!

2. I actually had to shush someone today. She was talking on her mobile phone very loudly. Usually, people are fairly discreet and quiet. So, even though we have a "no cell phone" policy, I don't really say anything. But this lady was crazy loud and annoying, and having "personal" conversation. I gave her a minute to see if she would hang up, but no luck. I had to go tell her to get off the phone.

3. I ordered tickets for someone to attend the Soul Food Festival in Charlotte, NC. People are apparently assume that librarians are very trustworthy, because the man gave me his driver's license and credit card. It occurs to me now that ordering tickets for someone doesn't seem very librarian-esque... but so what? I guess it doesn't matter as long as no one else needs my help.

4. An older lady came to the desk and asked if we had any books about Richard Thomas. For a second, the name didn't register with me, but then it hit me. And guess what? We don't have any books about John-Boy Walton. I asked her if there was something specific she wanted to know about Richard Thomas. She said that, yes, she wanted to know where he was from and what he had done before The Waltons. Answer: He's from New York City and he acted in random soap operas. This seemed to satisfy her curiosity.

Zen and the Art of Being Creepy

1. An older lady called in, wanting to know the populations of just about every small town on this side of the state. Along with that, she wanted to know the percentage of homes without running water or sewage in said small towns. I asked for her number and said I'd have to get back to her -- I'm just not that fast. She preferred to call me back at a specified time. Okay.

2. A young man (about my age, I expect) had a question regarding the law. We trekked off to look in the SC Code of Law books. He wanted to know how to get his brother out of an arrest. Apparently for sexual misconduct with a minor -- awesome, my favorite crime. I found the code, but of course it didn't help much. I did some searching online. While he had me corralled at the reference desk, he made his move. Yep -- he asked me out... several times, and gave me his phone number, and asked for mine. I told him no. When he asked why I wouldn't tell him my phone number. My response: "I have no idea who you are and know nothing about you. You could be completely creepy." His response: "How can you know I'm not creepy if you won't go out with me?" My response: "Beats me -- that's for you to figure out." He left eventually, after I gave him the phone numbers of some criminal lawyers in town.

(***NOTE: I am actually writing this on Wednesday, two days after the fact. I kid you not -- in the middle of typing that last paragraph, the guy appeared in front of my desk again. I have a feeling this will develop into a pattern. Fortunately, I don't really think he's creepy... just not my, uh, cup of tea. One of my coworkers walked past me while this guy and I were talking, and then promptly asked if she could talk to me for a minute. She didn't need anything -- she was just giving me an out. It worked, because he left. Public library workers unite!!!)

3. The older lady finally called back. I told her what I discovered. She then asked if she was missing any small towns... because I definitely know the names of every small, unincorporated town in the state. In fact, I did name a few that even she had never heard of.

4. A younger guy asked where the paperback nonfiction was. Our nonfiction is all shelved together. A few minutes later, he came back and said he could not find the book he was looking for. He knew the author's last name, so I looked it up. Our catalog definitely said it was shelved in paperback nonfiction. What?! How can a book be shelved in a nonexistent section? Anyway, using my super mad librarian skills, I happened to know the book he wanted anyway -- Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance (okay, maybe it doesn't actually take a super mad librarian skill-set to know about that book). Anyway, our catalog said we had it -- it just didn't say where it was shelved or what the call number was. I looked in biographies under "P." Nothing. Then I tried philosophy. Nothing. This made me sad, because if I really had found it, that guy would have thought I was a blooming genius. Too bad for me (oh, and of course for the patron, who did not find his book). Anywho, that book is going on my reorder list.

Vocabulary Building

1. We have an older gentleman who comes to the library several times a week to "research" baseball. And by that, I mean he makes a lot of photocopies of baseball cards along with the statistics on the back. I think, from now on, I shall call him the Commissioner. Yeah. A typical visit from the Commissioner has me basically making the copies for him (because he cannot remember how to do it himself), looking for pictures on Google Images, or attempting to explain to him that I can't just magically look up any obituary on the planet. Well, I guess I could... but perhaps for a more worthy cause? *Aside: Am I too jaded this early in my career?* Anyway, today I had the Google Images search results page up. I kept printing out the pictures he liked, but he seemed dissatisfied. Finally, I realized that he wanted me to print out the entire results page -- yes, the tiny thumbnail sized pictures that repeat themselves or are just completely not related to your search. I printed it and he seemed fairly happy about it. Then he said proudly, "I be 84 on my next birfday, and I ain't on no medications." And then he walked off while laughing rather maniacally.

2. Do you know what a psychopomp is? I sure do. I think I would do a poor job of explaining it, so here's the Wikipedia version: "Psychopomps are creatures, spirits, angels, or deities in many religions whose responsibility is to escort newly deceased souls to the afterlife." I can't believe I've spent my 26 years on this earth not knowing that.... Anyway, some guy wanted to know if we had a book about psychopomps. Guess what? We don't. I looked for things related, and couldn't really find much. This, of course, is my subject area, so I guess I'll have to see about it in the future.

3. A man who looked like Bob Marley walked over to the reference desk. He asked, "mmmmm mmmm mmmmm mmmmmmmmm?" Or at least, that's what it sounded like to me -- he mumbled worse than I've ever heard. Eventually, I figured out that he wanted information on Wing Chun. Well, we had several things on Kung Fu, but nothing on Wing Chun specifically. I told the guy about ILL, and showed him some books I found on WorldCat. He ordered one and left. While walking away, he mumbled something to his wife about building a dummy. Holy crap! I asked him a million times what he wanted to know about Wing Chun! Did he ever say anything about the wooden dummy? NO. Good grief -- I could have just printed out some instructions from the internet for building a Wing Chun dummy. How annoying. His loss, I suppose.

I wish I could catch up.

I've worked at the library for almost a month, and a lot of interesting things have happened in that time. I really wish I could document those things -- my OCD tendencies want me to -- but I'll never start blogging in the present tense if I do that. So, I'm just going to start this week!

The Story So Far

I just began working in the library a few weeks ago. In such a short time, I have learned about the regulars. I know the quirks, whether I want to or not. I have answered some very interesting questions. I have called 911 once already.
Anyway, I've decided that I would really like to remember these days later in life. Therefore, I'm starting this blog -- a collection of happenings at the reference desk.